it's been rather low,
yet some ray of hope here and there.

i've been t SIM twice,
t get my application done,
i've been t YJ,
t hand in the application t repeat.

all of the friends around me have their own route t take,
whereas i have decided t retake A's in sch.

it was after much considerations.
letting my heart float t SIM one moment and flew back t YJ at the next.

the main reason being the love of my selfless dad.
if,
if he had opposed t my studying at SIM,
i might insist t be there.
i could have want it my way, w/o realising if that's a wrong decision.
but no, to him,
he had decided t raise me, and that no matter how tough it is t bring me up, it's his responsibility.
even if it means i cant do no shit in academics,
it is his responsibility t raise me.
it was his ready answer that made me think twice.
he might be able t afford it, yes.
but i shouldnt let my own mistake be a burden of his.
it was i who played too much,
it was i who lived in disillusionment.
(whoever said luck was always here?)
it was i who took the wrong path,
it was i who was not serious.

i cant make him bear my own fault.
it's time for the nineteen yr old t face some consequences,
be responsible.

yes. and thus, i've decided t retake A's.
give it my all,
i've gotta prove myself,
that it wasnt lady luck that brought me this far.
i cant lead my life as a happy-go-lucky no more.
be it good or bad results,
at least it proves where my standard lies.
i cant be bothered if i'm wasting another year,
becos i knw, it's gonna be worth the youth.
becos im gonna change.
becos im gonna work hard.
becos i cant let my parents down.
becos i've gotta foster em.
becos i need t earn big bucks.
becos it is so.

i cant agree more that it takes huge courage t go back to that sch,
considering how ill mannered i was,
how bad my behavior was,
how proud i used t walk ard that sch.
imma put down my pride,
face mockeries,
face the gossips,
and face the music.
yes i am.
im prepared.
i need to.

im gonna be alone, since most probably i wont be in jia's class,
im gonna stand alone.
yes i can,
i must.

i may breakdown many times this year,
but no, thats not gonna waver my determination.